Discernment Counseling in Sarasota & Lakewood Ranch, FL
Discernment Counseling
When one partner is considering divorce or separation and the other wants to save the marriage, deciding what comes next can feel overwhelming. At Reclaim, Julia Loewi, MSW RSW LCSW-QS CFSW provides discernment counseling for couples in Sarasota and Lakewood Ranch, Florida, who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling is a short, structured process designed to help both partners gain clarity, understand their contributions to relationship difficulties, and make an informed decision about whether to work on the marriage or move toward separation. In-person sessions are available in Sarasota and Lakewood Ranch, with virtual discernment counseling throughout Florida and Ontario, Canada.
Consultations are confidential, and there's no obligation to continue. Responses within one business day.
When you want different things
One of you is done. One of you isn't.
Most couples therapy assumes both people want to be there. You may not be in that position.
One of you has been quietly deciding for months, maybe longer. The other found out recently, or has known and has been working hard not to know. You're being careful with each other. Everything important is being negotiated in a language neither of you agreed to.
Starting couples therapy here usually fails, and it fails in a specific way: the partner who's leaning out goes through the motions, the partner who's leaning in works twice as hard, and six months later nothing has changed except that one of you is more exhausted and the other is more certain.
Discernment counseling was built for exactly this situation. If you want a sense of the first weeks, read about what the first weeks look like when your spouse wants a divorce.
A different kind of process
What is discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is a short, structured process of one to five sessions, designed to give you clarity about the marriage before anyone commits to repairing it.
It was developed by Dr. William Doherty at the University of Minnesota for couples in which the two partners want different things, typically one leaning out and one leaning in.
The work sits upstream of couples therapy. Rather than working on the relationship itself, we look at whether the relationship is something you each want to work on, which is a different question and calls for a different process.
The goal is a decision you can stand behind, one you understand well enough to explain to yourself in five years.
1–5
sessions
1.5–2 hrs
per session
The process
How discernment counseling works: one to five sessions.
Each session runs 1.5-2 hours. You and your partner or spouse begin together briefly, then Julia Loewi meets with each of you separately for most of the session, and then brings you back together to close.
The separate conversations carry the work. The partner who is leaning out can say things that have not yet been said aloud, and the partner who is leaning in can look at their own contribution without an audience. Neither conversation is possible with the other person in the room.
You decide after each session whether to come back. The process runs a maximum of five sessions, and many couples need fewer.
Three possible outcomes
The three paths of discernment therapy
Every discernment process ends with one of three outcomes. There isn't a preferred outcome. Julia's job as a discernment counselor is to make sure whichever one you choose is chosen clearly.
01
Status quo
Nothing changes for now. Rare, and usually unstable.
02
Separation or divorce
A decision made deliberately rather than by attrition, with both people understanding why.
03
Six months of committed couples therapy
Divorce off the table for that period. A real effort, time-boxed, with the option to reassess at the end.
An important distinction
Discernment counseling and couples therapy: how they differ
Couples therapy assumes both partners want to improve the relationship and are willing to change for it. Discernment counseling starts one step earlier, with the question of whether to try at all, which is why most of each session happens in individual conversations and why it is limited to a few sessions. If you choose the third path, you continue into couples therapy with Julia Loewi, with a clear commitment from both of you and without retelling your history to someone new.
Is this right for you
Who discernment counseling fits, and who it doesn't
Who this is for
- One partner is considering divorce and the other wants to save the marriage.
- You have circled the same decision for a year or more and keep asking whether you should stay married.
- An affair or betrayal has surfaced, and neither of you knows what comes next.
- You tried couples therapy, and one of you was never fully in the room.
- You are a parent, a business owner, or someone for whom getting this wrong carries significant professional or public consequences.
Who this isn't for
Discernment counseling is inappropriate where there is ongoing intimate partner violence or coercive control, or where one partner has already made a final decision and wants the process as cover.
It also requires both partners to attend. If only one of you is willing, individual therapy is the better starting point.
If any of this describes your situation, say so at the consultation, and Julia Loewi will point you somewhere more useful.
Julia Loewi, MSW RSW LCSW-QS CFSW, has practiced for more than 20 years, focusing on relationships. Her couples training includes Gottman Method Level 3 and Emotionally Focused Therapy, along with training in the discernment counseling approach and in treating trauma and affairs.
Three things that matter specifically here:
- One clinician throughout. Both partners build trust with the same person, and that trust rarely survives a handoff.
- Continuity if you choose six months. You stay with Julia, with no referral and no starting over.
- Private pay. No insurance file and no diagnosis on record, which matters when your career depends on discretion.
Experience and approach
Why work with Julia Loewi on this
Practical details
Fees, format, and locations in Sarasota and Lakewood Ranch
Discernment sessions run approximately one and a half to two hours. Sessions are invoiced in 30 minute increments at $300 per hour.
Reclaim provides discernment counseling for couples throughout Sarasota and Manatee counties who are deciding whether to divorce, separate or work on their marriage. Julia Loewi sees couples from Sarasota, Lakewood Ranch, Bradenton, Palmer Ranch, Siesta Key, Longboat Key, Skye Ranch and surrounding communities. Virtual sessions are available throughout Florida and Ontario, Canada.
Locations
Sarasota
1266 1st Street, Suite #2
Sarasota, FL 34236
Lakewood Ranch
9040 Town Center Parkway
Lakewood Ranch, FL 34202
Before you begin
Questions couples ask before starting
What is discernment counseling for couples?
It is a brief, structured process for couples in which one partner is leaning toward divorce and the other wants to keep the marriage. Over one to five sessions it helps both of you understand what happened and decide among three directions: stay as you are, separate, or commit to six months of couples therapy.
Is discernment counseling the same as couples therapy?
No. Couples therapy works on improving a relationship both partners want to improve. Discernment counseling helps you decide whether to work on it at all, and many couples move into couples therapy afterward with a clear commitment.
What happens in a discernment counseling session?
Each session lasts about one and a half to two hours. It begins with both of you, moves to separate conversations with each partner for most of the time, and ends together. You decide after each session whether to come back.
How many sessions does discernment counseling take?
One to five. Some couples reach clarity in two or three sessions, and there is no obligation to continue past any session.
Does discernment counseling work if there has been an affair?
Yes, it is often used after an affair has come to light, when one partner is unsure whether to stay. The individual conversations allow each of you to address the affair honestly before any decision is made.
What if my partner won't come?
Discernment counseling needs both partners, but the leaning-out partner only has to agree to one session aimed at a clearer decision. Many people find that easier to accept than a request for couples therapy.
Will you try to talk us out of divorcing?
No. Julia Loewi has no stake in which direction you choose. A clear, well-understood decision to separate counts as a good result.
Is what I say in the individual sessions confidential from my partner?
In discernment counseling, largely yes. Julia Loewi holds a limited-secrets policy for this work: what you say in an individual conversation stays there unless you agree to bring it into the room. Part of each session is deciding together what is useful to share.
This is specific to discernment. If you go on to couples therapy with Julia Loewi, the policy changes, because couples therapy operates on a no-secrets basis and the work depends on it. She will tell you clearly when that shift happens and what it means before you begin.
The standard legal limits apply throughout. Disclosure is required in narrow circumstances, including a serious risk of harm to you or someone else, suspected abuse or neglect of a child, a vulnerable adult, or an elderly person, and a valid court order. You'll receive the full policy in writing before you start.
Where are discernment counseling sessions held?
In person at two Reclaim offices: downtown Sarasota at 1266 1st Street, Suite #2, Sarasota, FL 34236, and Lakewood Ranch at 9040 Town Center Parkway, Lakewood Ranch, FL 34202. Virtual sessions are available throughout Florida and Ontario, Canada.
Next Step
The decision to stay or separate should be intentional.
Many marriages end through a slow accumulation of avoided conversations, until one person runs out. A consultation is a brief, private conversation about where things stand and whether this process fits.
Response typically within one business day.